The Unlikely Rise of the Accordion-Playing Marshmallow Detective
In a town where the clocks occasionally tick backwards and the pigeons sometimes wear tiny waistcoats (no one knows who makes them), there lived a marshmallow who solved mysteries. Not an ordinary marshmallow, of course—this one wore a detective hat made of biscuit crumbs and played the accordion whenever deep in thought. His name was Inspector Fluffsworth, and although he had no bones, no pockets, and melted slightly in warm weather, he was still the most respected detective in town.
One day, while practising his emotional accordion solo (“The Ballad of the Burnt Toaster”), Inspector Fluffsworth stumbled upon a suspicious open laptop. Five tabs glowed mysteriously:
Pressure washing Crawley
Driveway Cleaning Crawley
Patio Cleanign Crawley
Exterior Cleaning Crawley
Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley
He didn’t know what any of it meant, but his marshmallow instincts tingled. Clearly, someone was plotting… something. Possibly involving water. And maybe patios.
Determined to get answers, he scooted across town in a teacup powered by anxiety and peppermint steam. His first suspect was Madam Whiskers, a cat who knitted sweaters for lampposts. When questioned about Driveway Cleaning Crawley, she claimed she’d never cleaned anything except her dignity. Inspector Fluffsworth took notes, though they were mostly sticky due to his marshmallow texture.
Next, he interviewed a pigeon philosopher named Kevin, who recited poetry about clouds and casually mentioned that Patio Cleanign Crawley looked like a secret spell to summon tidiness. Fluffsworth pretended to understand. He didn’t.
His third suspect was a goldfish who owned a typewriter. The fish had strong opinions about Exterior Cleaning Crawley, mainly that any exterior could be improved with reflective glitter. It was good advice, but irrelevant.
Just when Inspector Fluffsworth began to lose hope (and slightly deflate), he met a turtle who claimed to be an expert in renewable energy gossip. The turtle insisted that Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley was the most underrated conspiracy on the internet—something about shiny surfaces, sunlight, and an army of sentient squeegees.
Fluffsworth played a dramatic accordion chord.
Suddenly, everything made sense.
Actually, it didn’t. Not even a little. But Fluffsworth decided mysteries don’t always need solving. Sometimes they just need jazz.
So he returned home, wrote a 47-page report filled with dramatic pauses and no actual conclusions, and rewarded himself with a cup of lukewarm cocoa. The case was officially declared “Unsolved but Aesthetically Pleasing.”
The tabs remained open:
Pressure washing Crawley
Driveway Cleaning Crawley
Patio Cleanign Crawley
Exterior Cleaning Crawley
Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley
Perhaps they were clues.
Perhaps they were nothing.
Perhaps someone just really wanted things clean.
But somewhere, in a quiet kitchen drawer, a marshmallow detective picks up his accordion…
Because the world is weird, mysteries return, and jazz never melts.